The poet in Ecclesiastes helped me to leave Sometimes you can’t solve a situation with nonviolent communication. It may be best to sever contact. I had a difficult experience recently, but don’t they all bring important lessons if we pay attention? It brought to mind a conflict involving a church choir a few years ago. I had another commitment during their mid-week rehearsals. The music was too easy, and I said I could study it at home and attend the brief rehearsal before the morning service. They didn’t seem to notice that my soprano voice helped to keep the women on key and that the congregation had been applauding after our anthems. Missing rehearsals was frowned upon. One of the people who confronted me said that another young woman tried to get out of rehearsals a few years back but they wouldn’t let her. She was a skilled musician. I asked what happened. He told me she left the church. “And you’re happy with that?” I asked. “Yes, I am,” he said. The church was dwindling and hardly in a position to throw away young congregants, especially skilled musicians, but they were happy to do it. They did it to me. They created a new rule requiring attendance at the mid-week rehearsal before singing in church. I was silenced during a song that I knew well. I was tasked with reading scripture at that service. The passage from Ecclesiastes spoke to me: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. I thought, there was a time to leave, and this was it. It was hard to lose a spiritual community and volunteer work that had felt fulfilling. I felt rejected too. But when I thought about the group, the others all retired and a fair amount older than me, I realized that I didn’t fit in. In a church, these superficial differences shouldn’t have mattered, but I’m guessing they did to the people who judged and excluded me. They certainly weren’t acting in the loving, inclusive Christian way that I had hoped to find there. I believe that sometimes God takes us out of places and relationships that are no longer serving us, or the higher purpose that he has in mind for us. Sometimes we are too blind to see it ourselves, or too caught up in a routine or rut to remove ourselves from what hasn’t been working. Maybe I’ll get better at leaving earlier. A friend has become even dearer to me. She said, “Aim higher, to go higher.” And I will. I hope you do too. - Irene Plett Note: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, New Revised Standard Version. Topics: rejection, conflict, groups, church, inspiration
5 Comments
Brigid Coult
1/22/2018 08:56:26 pm
Speaking as a church choir director, it's a fine line to walk. You're working with volunteers who give their time freely, and yes, other commitments do come up, and get in the way. But at the same time, you're trying to offer the best you can to the glory of God, and that's often about building a team who support each other in rehearsals and services. No easy compromises...
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1/22/2018 09:10:35 pm
Thanks for sharing, Brigid. The choir director said he didn't mind, but he was bullied by the people in the choir who liked to enforce their own opinions. Both of us have moved on. Music isn't in my life much these days. Writing has taken over.
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Brigid Coult
1/23/2018 11:45:26 am
Glad you have the writing outlet - I just love the weekly coming together of choirs who breathe together, and create something that is more beautiful than anything we can do alone. 1/24/2018 09:21:13 pm
Thanks again Brigid. I do miss choral singing. It would be fun to start again if I can find the right group. 10/25/2018 06:04:02 pm
A good news update that I think you'll enjoy, Brigid! I'm back in church choir. It's still very new. The church mentioned in this blog post amalgamated with another that I'd also attended. At a memorial service for a woman who motivated me to keep attending years ago, I felt that she was encouraging me to return. I found the church has grown in social justice work and other surprising changes (like café church!) that I like a lot. It's inspiring to be singing songs of faith again ... not that I ever stopped, but in community. Your prayers would be appreciated! Leave a Reply. |
WriterIrene Plett is a writer, poet and animal lover living in South Surrey, British Columbia, Canada. Categories
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